Time to Move On

17th April 2009

It has been 4 nights include tonight I have sleepless night. After a wake from 3 am this morning, I really cant sleep back. Maybe because of my jealousy after heard that he has fallen in love with someone whom not with me. But, the another hand I told myself, its time to move on dear....you cant always in your sweet dream...be tough, be strong...you have to forget this person very soon. You can't always be like a sweetie...neither he would not comes back to you.

Suddenly, I emailed him and tried to avoid him to meet up for my Europe trip. I do not know, is he really a nice person said wanna pick me up from the airport and send me to the hotel and bla bla bla. You know, something I am feeling he is acting in front me. And he told me everything....even 'she knows that he will pick me from the airport'. What does it means....I believe probably he would like to the whole world...you see how smart I am, still my EX-Girlfriend coming to visit me. Though I am his ex-girlfriend but it doesnt mean that he would be nice to me. I tried several emails and inform, please do not pick me from airport. Dont you think we shouldn't meet up, especially he knows that once I am crying, no one can stop me and I hardly stop from crying too. I have no tears and nearly dried-up my eyes because of him. I didnt hate him now, and I understand what he wants. So I decided to let my hands go and he keeps wants to hold back. As he told me, he just need a purely friendship between me and HIM.

Does it sounds like he's really generous person or reflecting me that I am selfish person. He told me, in a relationship only said love or dont love. I never know he ever never love me before, probably he did...maybe within the 3 months before. I only hope god knows what I have done...I appreicated the gifts he has sent to me before. But I dont appreciate the acting on pick me up from airport, since we are truely know we would have some embarassed situation will happened.

I couldn't understand what he has thought in his mind. And I never thought what he thinks too. Many scenes in my mind keep on repeating....like a slide show. We have not meet up for 2 years, I really dont wish to meet with him now and forever.